Why taking care of your body is not indulgence. It’s maintenance.
I did not book a day at the spa because I was burned out in the way people like to joke about. I booked it because I had finished something hard and was looking to reward myself for a major accomplishment.
This past September, I wrapped up a six-month-long, complicated dental journey that took me across the border to Los Algodones, Mexico. When it was finally done, I gave myself a few extra days in Arizona as a victory lap. The dental work took three separate trips, and this was the closest thing I was going to have to a vacation this year. I wasn’t looking for a party or trying to splurge on excess. I just wanted time to acknowledge the work, the stress, and the toll it had taken on my body.
At the time, Arizona was in the heat of summer. The temperature was still hitting triple digits, and that limits your options. Hiking is out. I thought about renting a boat out on Canyon Lake, but boats are better with a group of friends. And somewhere between thinking about Canyon Lake and sitting with the fact that this entire journey had been about self-improvement, it clicked. You can’t throw a rock in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Mesa, or Tempe and not hit a resort or spa.
Why not finish the process properly with some additional self-care.
I had never done this before.
The decision was based on equal parts curiosity, stress relief, and self-respect, braided together. I was curious what a professional facial actually did. I was carrying stress in my back and shoulders from surgery, travel, flights, and long drives through the desert. People always told me I had amazing skin, but I wanted to hear what a professional would say. And if I am honest, I wanted to treat myself without apology.
Nobody nudged me. Nobody knew I was doing it. This was entirely for me.
The Resistance Before You Go
The only hesitation came during the research phase. I spent time separating what felt legitimate from what felt overly new age, mystical, or performative. I wanted something grounded, clinical, and professional. I was also specifically looking for a place that offered services designed for men, not as an afterthought, but as part of the experience.
That mattered more than I expected. Knowing I would not be entering the spa as an oddity or an outlier made the choice easier.
Booking the appointment took a little nerve. It required a phone call to book the services together in a bundle. I did have to provide a credit card in order to reserve the appointment. There was a no-show fee, and that felt fair. These services are expensive, and skilled labor deserves respect. If you fail to show, it’s taking money out of the pockets of the staff. The call took two minutes. When it was done, I felt something unexpected.
I was excited. Having it booked made it real; it was going to happen.
There was no “this isn’t for guys like me” voice in my head. If anything, that voice belonged to a past version of me shaped by past relationships where self care was treated with suspicion or incredulity. If someone had no interest in taking care of themselves, how would they react to me wanting to do it?
That question no longer mattered. This was going to be part of my life now.
First Impressions
Walking in was disarmingly normal. Everything was clean, modern, and tranquil. At the reception desk, I was greeted with smiling faces that felt genuine, not rehearsed.
The check-in process was simple. The staff confirmed the treatments I had booked and what time each one would take place. Then I was guided to the men’s locker room. At my designated locker, I found a robe that was my size and a choice of slippers in a variety of sizes. My size thirteen feet were accommodated without issue, which felt like a small but meaningful victory. Most likely because of all the hotels I’ve stayed in that offered robes and slippers, where the slippers were always comically too small.
The attendant explained I could undress to whatever level I was comfortable with. I chose to go with the flow and only wear the robe and slippers, and kept the momentum going, making my way to the waiting area.
The waiting area was quiet and welcoming. There was water, juices, fruit, and pastries available. Some guests were drinking champagne, but I decided not to partake. It was eleven in the morning, and I wanted to stay present. This was a new experience for me, and I didn’t see any reason to dull the senses.
While I was waiting, I was given a clipboard to fill out some basic information. I answered questions that were pertinent to the treatments I was going to have done and noted any areas of concern or previous injuries that the attendants should pay attention to. It didn’t take long to fill out.
What surprised me most was the mood. Everyone seemed genuinely happy to be there. It reminded me of walking into a dispensary. A strange comparison, but accurate. People were relaxed, smiling, quietly excited, and genuinely happy to be there. That kind of positive energy is contagious.
While the spa had a menu of services for men, I was one of only three in the waiting area, and the other two men were with their significant others, having a couples day. That made me take a pause for a second, but I wasn’t getting any weird looks. Nobody cared that I was there. Nothing felt awkward. Nothing felt forced.
The Experience Itself
I had booked three treatments:
A 60-minute facial designed for men with facial hair.
A 60-minute deep tissue massage.
And a 90-minute exfoliating body scrub and wrap.
The facial was first. The attendant asked if I had done this before, and I explained it was my first time. She told me she was going to leave the room and that I could remove my robe and get settled under the sheet. I was slightly tense getting on the table, in a “here we go, no turning back now…” kind of way. Ten minutes in, I was gone, in the best possible way. The aesthetician explained every product, every technique, and what it was meant to do. That context mattered. It turned something unfamiliar into something intelligible. I was not just lying there. I understood what was happening. There was a tiny amount of discomfort in getting any blackheads removed, but nothing that wasn’t manageable. The aesthetician told me I had amazing skin and marveled that I was not using an arsenal of skin care products to maintain it. She let me know she would recommend a simple Vitamin C and Hyaluronic Acid brightening serum to use daily for its anti-aging properties. After the facial was complete, I returned to the locker room and, in the mirror, saw that the results of the facial were immediately evident. It’s probably a cliche to say my skin was glowing, but just because it’s a cliche doesn’t mean it’s inaccurate. I was, in fact, glowing.
I returned to the waiting room area, already thrilled. This, as it was turning out, was an amazing decision, and I had zero regrets. A short time later, I was greeted by my massage therapist and escorted to the treatment room. The massage revealed things I did not expect. The usual stress points were there, the upper back and the lower back. I could feel the knots that the therapist was trying to work out. They were tenacious; she had to go over them again and again before they were completely gone. The surprising thing for me was to discover how much real tension lived in unexpected places like my forearms and thighs. There were definitely times during the hour when I started to doze off. I fought against that. I wanted to be there to experience everything that was happening… but it wasn’t easy. The massage felt like it was over far too soon after the hour had passed, but it was amazing nonetheless. I do know that many people will be sore after a deep tissue massage. That was not the case for me, but I think that’s because my next treatment involved heat being applied to my body for a solid 45-minutes, and that mitigated any soreness.
The body scrub was luxurious in the best way. This was obviously the most revealing treatment to have. You wear a small towel, and at various points, the attendant will ask you to make sure you hold on to it, lest you unintentionally reveal anything. Like the facial, the attendant explained what every product was doing. She explained how the scrub removes surface contaminants, residue from soaps and moisturizers, and even air pollution that may be lingering on the skin. Once the scrub was completed, she applied a fruit-based serum and wrapped my body in plastic and heated blankets. Once the wrap was in place, time stopped. For forty-five minutes, I floated somewhere between sleep and complete stillness. During that time, the attendant massaged my face, scalp, neck, shoulders, arms, and hands. It was incredible. Once completed, the serum was cleaned off with warm, wet towels, and the attendant left the room so I could get dressed. My skin felt new. My tattoos looked like they had been refreshed. Colors popped. Lines sharpened. It was impossible not to notice the difference.
Checking out was a simple process. The desk attendant provided me with the Vitamin C and Hyaluronic Acid serum recommended by my facial aesthetician. It was produced locally in Scottsdale. I agreed to purchase it without asking the price, which tuned out to be eye-watering. Make sure you ask about the cost of any recommended products. I felt like I was on a journey, and this was part of seeing it through. But there’s no shame in going home, doing your own research, and purchasing appropriate alternatives within your budget. Self-care doesn’t have to break the bank. I was able to tip all of the attendants who worked on me as well as pay for the services in one transaction that went right onto my rewards credit card. I had brought cash for tips, but that was entirely unnecessary.
The Aftermath
That evening, I felt pleasantly wrecked. Loose. Every limb felt heavy in the best possible way. I did not do much. I let the day land.
I slept deeply, and next morning I woke up clear and rested. I waited until the next morning to shower because I did not want to wash away what had been applied to my skin. When I finally did, it felt like a reset. The effects of my treatments lasted for days.
The first thought I had when I returned home to New Jersey was practical. Where do I find a spa that offers comparable services in New Jersey? This was not a one-off. This needs to be part of my routine now. This was something I wanted to return to regularly, twice a year at minimum. Ideally more.
It took a bit of work to find the right fit, just as it had in Arizona. I had to sort through the new age wellness centers. All the spas that didn’t have any dedicated services for men. Oddly, something I hadn’t found in Arizona were many spas requiring a membership fee on top of the cost of the treatments. After quite some time, I found a hotel and spa overlooking the Atlantic, less than half an hour from my home, that has everything I was looking for. I can’t wait to book my appointments.
Masculinity, Reframed
There is a story men are told early. Manage the pain. Keep moving. Do not complain. Do not stop.
The problem is that nothing mechanical works that way. Cars need oil changes, air filter replacement, and tire rotations. Systems require maintenance. Your body is no different.
Self-care is not indulgence when it is intentional. Indulgence is a temporary escape that provides a temporary result. It’s easy, immediate gratification. It’s a treat, one that can sometimes lead to feeling guilty about it.
Self-care is disciplined; it’s part of an ongoing routine for long-term well-being. It leaves you feeling grounded and restored. It’s not capricious, it’s necessary. It allows you to keep showing up without grinding yourself into dust.
We treat maintenance like weakness because stoicism is still confused with strength. Because vulnerability is framed as failure. Because somewhere along the way we learned that taking care of ourselves meant we were taking something away from someone else.
That belief is simply wrong on every level.
Who This Is For (and Who It’s Not)
This is for any man who is tired of running on fumes. White collar. Blue collar. It does not matter. This is another form of giving yourself grace. It’s taking care of the things you need to take care of to keep yourself in the game.
Who is this not for? If you are uncomfortable being in a state of undress around others, this might not be for you, and that is okay. You do not need to force it. Self-care only works when you are ready to receive it.
Practically speaking, this can be an expensive endeavor depending on the spa, its location, and the treatments you choose. You should work within a budget that makes sense for you. If three treatments feel like too much but one fits comfortably, start with the one. There is no wrong entry point.
It’s also worth knowing that every reputable spa offers gift certificates. If you have a birthday or holiday coming up, there’s nothing wrong with letting people close to you know this is something you’d genuinely enjoy. Self-care is a meaningful gift, and one that keeps giving long after the day itself.
If you are on the fence, think about it this way. You maintain everything you rely on. Your car. Your home. Your tools. Your career.
Your body deserves the same respect.
The Takeaway
Taking care of yourself isn’t weakness. It’s how you stay in the fight.
When you are burned out, stressed, and carrying more than you should, you cannot show up fully for your family, your work, or yourself. The culture has shifted. Men’s wellness is no longer a fringe concept. This booming industry exists because the need exists.
And I’ll let you in a little secret, nobody is going to revoke your nonexistent man card. Nobody is judging you.
This is how you keep the weight of life sustainable.